There Is Only One Right Way to Write (This Title Is Intentionally Misleading)
A hundred trillion years ago, when I was an impressionable young man, someone older and wiser told me that if I didn’t have a regular quiet time every morning, I might as well invite Satan over for breakfast. Since I was Someone Who Always Wanted to Do the Right Thing, I decided I had no choice but to comply (besides, everyone knows Satan eats all the crispy bacon and only leaves you the floppy pieces). Here’s what my journal would have looked like if I’d kept one in the days that followed: Day 1: During my quiet time, I prayed. Mostly that I would have a good quiet time. Then I had breakfast. Day 2: Quiet time cut short by smell of bacon. Thankfully, Satan was busy elsewhere. I got the good bacon. Day 3: I know it’s late evening, but I was in the middle...
Writing Tips from Novels: Alex and the Ironic Gentleman
Yes, there are lots of great books “on writing” (my favorite is the one that goes by that name, except capitalized; it’s by Stephen King), but I’ve found that you can get some great tips from the characters and narrators of Actual Novels. And isn’t it more fun to read a novel than a book about writing a novel? Sure it is. I have a few of these lined up in the queue (gosh, I love writing that word), but I thought it might be fun to open this irregularly recurring blog feature with an unexpected little book. It’s called Alex and the Ironic Gentleman and is written by Adrienne Kress. Alex is a middle grade novel about pirates and treasure and schoolteachers and a train you can never leave and an Extremely Ginormous Octopus and the...
Why Are You Reading This?
Most blog posts save the Really Important Lesson for the last paragraph. I’m just going to cut’n'paste it right here: I write not because I “have to,” but because I want to be read. Thanks for reading. Skip to the bottom of this post and you’ll see the very same words. Are you still reading? Why? Anything written between the first and last word will merely be used to support the Really Important Lesson noted above. You won’t be surprised to discover that I have a few theories on why you’re still reading. Feel free to skip these: You think I’m trying to trick you. You know from the past that I sometimes mess with your mind in this space and wonder if I’m doing it again. Even now you’re reasonably certain...
Writer Vs. Self-Editor
Once upon a time, there was a writer… Whoa, hold on there. Wait one darn minute, mister. Excuse me? “Once upon a time”? Really? Where’s the originality in that? Surely someone who calls himself a “writer” can do better. There was a writer… Pa-thet-ICK. Look, I’m just trying to… “Was.” Passive verb, my friend. You should know this by now. Passive verbs suck. Spice it up a bit. Put some life in your words or you’re going to put your readers to sleep. I appreciate your concern, but I’m not trying to write the Great American Novel. It’s just a blog post on… Just a blog post? Attitudes like that are the clumsy sausage fingers pulling the Jenga blocks from the very foundation of...
10 Reasons You Don’t Have an Agent
Your writing is unremarkable. You may have worked hard to craft a good story, followed all the rules – trimming unnecessary prepositional phrases, chopping adverbs, replacing passive verbs with active verbs – but the result is indistinguishable from any of a hundred other novels the agent has reviewed in the past month. Solution: Find your writer’s voice and pray it’s a good one. A writer’s voice is that unique stamp that sets his or her words apart from others. There’s no simple (or universal) definition for “writer’s voice,” but typically it will be revealed in such things as an author’s word choice, writing rhythm, and that intangible thing called “tone” or “color.” Best way to find your voice? Write. A lot. If you have a unique...
