-
The Benefits of Not Caring
Maybe you shouldn’t invest so much of yourself in your writing. I mean, look at what it’s doing to you. You’re staying up until after one or getting up at four just to write “one more scene.” You were late picking up your kids from school, what, three times last week? You haven’t made a home-cooked dinner in a week, there are three fish floating at the top of the tank (Betty, Fred, and Barney – they’re not just sleeping), and the laundry in the washing machine has been awaiting transfer to the dryer for so long that it’s turned to penicillin.* Aren’t you tired of the punch to the…
-
Totally Believable Publishing Predictions for 2011
My predictions are based on extensive eavesdropping at my local Starbucks. Additional data supplied by that one night when I might have accidentally taken too much cough medicine before bed. 1. Barnes & Noble and Borders will merge after all and call their new stores “Noble Borders.” This will result in the closing of nearly half of existing stores, leaving thousands of bookish employees out of work. In an unrelated story, there will be a significant rise in the literary quality of panhandlers’ signs. 2. Amazon will release a Kindle Reader app for Sony Playstation 3, Microsoft XBOX 360, Nintendo Wii, Casio digital watches and the Texas Instruments TI-84 Plus…
-
10 Reasons Someone Else’s Novel Shouldn’t Have Been Published
Admit it. You’ve stared, slack-jawed at an open book in Barnes & Noble, stunned by the horribleness of the writing. You’ve whispered your frustration to the universe, a few choice obscenities that brought an audible “harrumph” from a blue-haired woman browsing the nearby Christian Inspiration section. How is it possible this hack of a writer got a publishing deal and your (almost brilliant) novel can’t even get a literary agent’s attention? The universe isn’t fair. You accept that. But really? I mean really? This book is utter crap. Except you don’t say “crap.” You say “shit.” And you almost never say “shit.” Because you just can’t let it go, you…
-
Do the Best You Can With What You Have
There’s little need for a post here. If you’re pressed for time, just read the title again, let it inspire some brilliant application for your writing life, then jet off to Nova Scotia to see a total eclipse of the sun. (Yes, I’m talking to you.) Of course, if you want to spend a few more minutes in this space (and who wouldn’t; don’t you love how the gray header matches the cloud of uncertainty that’s giving your muse black lung?), feel free. It’s your dime. Here’s the thing (and by “thing” I mean premise for this post): writers have a tendency to set unrealistic expectations. We call these expectations “dreams”…
-
21 Excuses for Why Your Novel Isn’t Finished Yet
Yes, it’s a list-based post. If you prefer something more esoteric, read this post instead. 1. My protagonist has locked himself in his room and won’t come out until I agree to give him a love interest who isn’t sleeping with his best friend. 2. This computer can’t read WordPerfect files. Okay, so it’s been a while since I last worked on my novel. Don’t judge. 3. My muse left me to go work for James Patterson. 4. It is finished, but I’m waiting until novels about glittery vampires are “in” again before submitting it to agents. 5. Is true art ever really finished? 6. The letter “e” doesn’t work…
-
Thangst
It’s hard to look at. The ache. The mistake. The longing. The breakup. The failure. The betrayal. The abandonment. The affair. The loss. The sin. When you sit down at your desk to write, it clears its throat. It’s hiding behind your lamp or tucked under an unpaid utility bill. It’s watching, waiting. It nods “go ahead.” It whispers “it will be okay.” Instead, you turn away. You look down at your computer keyboard. You rest your fingers there. ae ess dee eff, jay kay elle sem You’ve done your research. You’ve read all the how-to books. You loved Stephen King’s On Writing and Betsy Lerner’s The Forest for the…
-
The Editor’s Hat – 11 Tips for Your Second Draft
Your first draft is done. Wait, it’s not? Then go away and don’t come back until it is. This is not the post you’re looking for. The rest of you can stay, but only if you promise not to make fun of the people who aren’t finished with their first drafts yet. Because you were like them once. And I still am. Okay. [I know. There’s no need for “Okay” here. It’s superfluous. I should just get right to the 11 tips. But I’m keeping it. “Okay” is an intentionally overused aspect of my subtly ironic faux-conversational style. What, you thought I didn’t know I overuse it? I do. Also?…